Thank goodness it’s 2023 because there were a LOT of things that happened last year that many would like to forget. For example, the victims of the countless injuries we’re about to tell you. How did we obtain this information? Apparently someone went through E.R. records to find the funniest ways men injured their JUNK in 2022. Apparently The Consumer Product Safety Commission keeps a running tally of E.R. visits in the U.S. with short descriptions of how each person got hurt. So someone went through and found the funniest ways men injured their JUNK in 2022. The highlights are something that’ll make you be extra careful of the way you move going forward. So hold onto your junk. Here we go!

GLASGOW, SCOTLAND – JANUARY 05: Ambulances sit at the accident and emergency at the Glasgow Royal hospital on January 5, 2018 in Glasgow, Scotland. Hospitals across the country are being stretched to the limit, with hundreds of patients facing long waiting times to be seen at A&E departments as the NHS is stretched to the limit. (Photo by Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images)

• A man went to the E.R. after scrubbing himself too hard with a loofah.

  What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year? | Defector

  Here is some of the finest groin destruction achieved in America.

• A guy was using a French press when it shattered and spilled hot coffee on his crotch

  National Electronic Injury Surveillance System (NEISS)

  Welcome to the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System For more than 45 years, the CPSC has operated a statistically valid injury surveillance and follow-back system known as the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System (NEISS). The primary purpose of NEISS is to collect data on consumer product-related injuries occurring in the United States.

• The karate chop

  A dad got karate chopped in the groin by his kid. He went to the E.R. 10 days later because he was still hurting

   

  What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year? | Defector

  Here is some of the finest groin destruction achieved in America.

• A man accidentally ran straight into the tip of a mop handle

  What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year? | Defector

  Here is some of the finest groin destruction achieved in America.

• "We got a bleeder!"

  A guy got caught in his zipper, and was still stuck in it when he showed up at the hospital. 

   

• Stabbed by a nail file

  A guy was sitting on the toilet holding a nail file, leaned forward to grab toilet paper and stabbed himself in his business.

  What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year? | Defector

  Here is some of the finest groin destruction achieved in America.

• The work out injury

  A man was working out with a friend when an elastic exercise band slipped out of the friend’s hand, and the handle struck him in the groin. 

  What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year? | Defector

  Here is some of the finest groin destruction achieved in America.

• The pillow fight dog bite

  A guy was having a pillow fight with his dog.  The dog lunged for the pillow and accidentally bit him down there.

  https://boingboing.net/2023/01/03/a-long-list-of-penis-mishaps-in-2022.html

• Penis piercing caught in random places

  A guy’s groin piercing got caught in a car door.  And another guy’s groin piercing got caught in a dishwasher door.  A third guy also slammed his junk in the fridge.

  What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year? | Defector

  Here is some of the finest groin destruction achieved in America.

• Penis pump goes wrong

  A man was using a penis pump and suddenly heard a POP.

  https://www.bdestyle.com/post/penis-pumping-injuries-and-how-to-avoid-them

• Scissor injury

  Some idiot tried to circumcise himself with a pair of scissors.

  The Bloody Rise of DIY Circumcision Videos on YouTube

  A growing number of young men are attempting to circumcise themselves at home with the help of Google and YouTube. But the end result is usually a medical disaster, urologists warn

• Zip tie sex injury

  A guy ended up in the E.R. after putting a ZIP TIE around his junk while getting-it-on with his girlfriend.

  What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year? | Defector

  Here is some of the finest groin destruction achieved in America.

• Handgun injury

  A man was lying in bed with a HANDGUN. He leaned forward and accidentally shot himself in the penis.

  ARCHIVED - Alicante man shoots himself in the penis trying to conceal a gun from police

  archived - Alicante Man Shoots Himself In The Penis Trying To Conceal A Gun From Police Keep up with the Latest News In English Murcia Costa Calida Spain

• Soccer ball injury

  A guy got hit in the groin with a soccer ball then again with a football later that day and had to go to the hospital.

  What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year? | Defector

  Here is some of the finest groin destruction achieved in America.

• Baseball to the groin

  A guy was playing basketball when a baseball from a nearby field flew in and hit him in the crotch.

  What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year? | Defector

  Here is some of the finest groin destruction achieved in America.

• Bachelor party prank gone wrong

  A guy passed out at his bachelor party, so his buddies glued his junk to his stomach.

  What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year? | Defector

  Here is some of the finest groin destruction achieved in America.

• The rogue wedding ring

   A dude somehow got his wedding ring struck on the base of his junk.

  Thai man had metal ring stuck on his penis for FOUR MONTHS

  The man was rushed to the emergency room of the Krungthai General Hospital in Nonthaburi province in Thailand on October 1 after he complained of the pain in his penis.

• Toilet bowl cleaner

  A drunk guy thought he was applying a “sexual stimulant,” but it was really toilet bowl cleaner

  What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year? | Defector

  Here is some of the finest groin destruction achieved in America.

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