Wicked Summer Fun Guide

(Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images)

Awful, Terrible, No Good Times To Drive On Memorial Day Weekend!

Nauset Beach, Cape Cod, MA

When not to drive on Memorial Day Weekend, according to the experts.

Ah, Memorial Day weekend—a time when the road gods decide to play a practical joke on us unsuspecting drivers.

42.3 million people will hit the roads this weekend. So buckle up, folks, as we embark on a snarky journey through the comical nightmare that is driving during this holiday extravaganza.

Traffic Tango

Imagine a dance floor where cars twirl and swirl, their blinkers flickering like disco lights. Yes, folks, Memorial Day weekend gives us the privilege of participating in the infamous Traffic Tango—an enchanting spectacle where everyone attempts to merge, but no one knows the steps.

The Great Race

traffic jam

Move over, NASCAR! Memorial Day weekend unveils the greatest race of all: the Race to the Beach. Witness drivers frantically competing for that prime spot in the sand, as if the ocean would vanish if they arrived a minute late. It’s a spectacle that would make even the most skilled Formula 1 drivers weep in confusion.

The Lost Art of Patience

worst state to drive in, Massachusetts traffic

(Photo by Darren McCollester/Newsmakers)

Remember that thing called patience? Well, it seems to go on vacation during Memorial Day weekend. Drivers transform into impatient beings with the attention span of a goldfish. Honking, finger-wagging, and passive-aggressive glares become the norm as we all forget how to wait without losing our minds.

The Art of Tailgating

Fourth Of July Weekend Creates Crushing Holiday Traffic

In this twisted game, tailgating is not reserved for football fans. Oh no! During Memorial Day weekend, it becomes a celebrated art form. If you’ve ever dreamt of having an intimate connection with the bumper in front of you, fear not—it shall be fulfilled! Just don’t forget to leave some room for suspense.

The Eternal Search for Parking

Survey Calls U.S. Traffic Signals Inefficient

(Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images)

Behold the urban legend: finding a parking spot on Memorial Day weekend. It’s like spotting a unicorn riding a flying pig—impossible, yet strangely mesmerizing. Brace yourself for endless rounds of circling parking lots, praying for the parking gods to bestow their elusive blessings upon you.

Embrace the absurdity, savor the snark, and remember that in the midst of the traffic madness, there’s always room for a good chuckle. Safe travels, or should I say, hilarious misadventures!

Nantucket And Martha's Vineyard Struggle With Tourism Due To COVID-19

(Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images)

When not to drive on Memorial Day Weekend, according to the experts:

Friday, May 26

AAA predicts will be the “busiest day on the roads” this holiday weekend, per a travel analysis published May 15.

That’s it. Stay off the roads.

Especially from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m.

Also? The other worst time is mid-day Monday. When everyone is heading home. Makes sense!

Have a great weekend!

Cape Cod Bridge

Sign me up for the HOT 96.9 email newsletter!

Stay connected with the hottest celebrity and music news, plus exclusive prizes, trips, and more!

By clicking "Subscribe" I agree to the website's terms of Service and Privacy Policy. I understand I can unsubscribe at any time.